24th Decempber

Its 24th Dec. today. No reason being unhappy. Long holidays coming up. Happy faces all around. But, I am not happy. Struggling to accept the things the way they are. Everyday I try to convince myself that whatever happened, happened for good. I know it was good. But why I am so weak to accept it? Its her birthday today, I am missing her.
How dearly I wish the year ends. Rollercoster is a term small for 2009. Emotional drives, love, care, loneliness, long trips, freinds for life, ...just too much for a normal person like me.
Am I a coward? Why can't I face the situation?
Why can't I concentrate on the things I have?
What do I want out of life?
What I am waiting for?
I hope to get these answers in the coming year. I know this is sick being optimistic that the new year will bring end to my restlessness. But, What else do I have?

knowing myself

I am a bad boy. Or you can say I want to be a not so good boy. I don't like when girls think of me as a "reserved, wont hurt anybody, cute (I hate this word) boy". And for the worst, they say it. I like to flirt. I try desperately, and I think I am often successful. Its later that my good boy image does me no good.

I think a lot. About me, about people. Ofcourse, around me. About my life. About their life. About my friends life. I observe people when they are silent. When they are sleeping. I like to travel. Indian railways, I love U. Its my observatory. I hate being tied down to a place.

My friends. I don't know why. But. I feel I can't be for a single person. I am as open to one of my new friend, as I am to my twelve year old friend. Vice versa for reservedness. I can't help it. I do trust people easily. And I must say more often than not, I have had no complaints with it. Is it because I am reserved by nature? I don't share my mind, my evilness, My truth, My soul?
Is that SO ?